You're getting so famous I heard they're thinking of putting your picture on a postage stamp.. they decided not to, because people started spitting on the wrong side

You're so stupid it takes you an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes

You're so ugly even Rice Crispies won't talk to you

You're so skinny you have to dance around in the shower to get wet

You're so skinny you only have one stripe on your pajamas

You know why your mother called you Steve when you were a  kid? Because she couldn't spell AAAHHHHHH!

You remind me of the ocean..No, not because you're deep and profound..because you make me sick

You have beautiful hair..coming from each nostril

You're so ugly, everytime you go to the ocean, pick up a seashell and hold it up to your ear, it tells you to get off the beach!

You're a saint..a Saint Bernard

You're like an angel fallen from the sky..too bad you had to land on your face.

You remind me of St. Paul..St. Paul, Minnesota the most boring city in the United States

You're ugly..you're kind..you're kind of ugly

You're so old the key on Ben Franklin's kite was the key to your apartment

You're so old when you walk by a graveyard, guys come running after you with shovels

You're so old your social security number is 2

You're so old you were a waiter at the last supper

You're spoiled..or does your whole family smell that way

You're so ugly your mother had to tie a lambchop around your neck when you were a kid just so the dog would play with you

Everytime I look in your eyes.. all I see is the back of your head

I love the way the lightbulb lights up the hair in your ears.

You watch a lot of TV don't you? I can tell because you have square eyeballs.

You have a kind face..the kind that makes me sick.

steve@stevecharney.com